watch this!

good for a laugh

Life isn't a french film, but...

That moment where Amelie is on the cusp of everything, the point where everything is at its hardest and she almost gives up because she is not able to see the beautiful end in sight?

Yeah, that's about where I'm at.

slam shut

Tonight, I closed a door in my life. It was a door that I've known I need to close for quite some time, but have continually put off doing so. It is a painful door and behind it, a piece of my heart will always lie. Memories are locked up along with it, gathered in a box to only be brought out when feeling momentarily sentimental. The wound from this door is fresh and will take awhile to heal, but it would have never if I hadn't closed to the door as I did tonight. Someone else could open it, if they choose, but from the other end and honestly, it would take them a lot of work even to pry it open slightly. On my end, the door is closed and I don't know how to feel about it at this very moment. It hurts, but it also feels of sweet relief and as if there is a breath of air returning to my flattened lungs and shattered heart. It was finally time to say goodbye and though it hurts right now, I'm glad in an odd sort of way. The door played an important part in my life that I will never forget and we will always be connected somehow, but it was time to move on. Doors in my life have been closing at a terrifying rate lately, mostly without anything done on my part, and the original thought of shutting another one scared the hell out of me, but I see that life can't go on without a little bit of opportunity lost. Another door will open someday.

sugar-coated. bittersweet.

I suppose with the passing of Valentine's day being two hours prior to writing this, I should write something about love, but it doesn't seem necessary. Not even one bit.  Nonetheless, here it goes:


Sure, it will be hard seeing you day after day. It won't be nice having to talk to your friends and not ask about you. Eventually, life will go on, but I'm tired of waiting for something that is never going to happen. Goodbye.

Short and bittersweet. That's all I have for right now.

no, not even charlie parker can cure these blues

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder, not about the action in itself, but about what makes 'me'.

While I was home during winter break, I was waiting outside of The Spar for someone to meet me there. It wasn't a pleasant day outside- it was uncharacteristically windy in downtown Olympia and there was a man pacing, muttering to himself, a few feet away. To distract myself from the chill in my bones and the occasional glances from the oddly-acting man, I began to watch as people walked by. One woman in particular caught my eye. She was, by the looks of her, in her late-twenties. She wore a hat adorned with a felt flower over her medium-length brown hair and her clothes were a mismatched collage of stripes and different warm tones. Her glasses had a thick, dark rim that fell in the most flattering way above her cheek bones. Belong side her, she toted her son, or well, a small boy. As she crossed the street that goes between Cafe Via and Harlequin Theatre, I watched her as she walked, the boy gripping her hand ever so tightly, her muster a little bit ruffled from the indifferently cruel wind. Then, I noticed something. She looked exactly like me. How had I not noticed it before? The hat, the posture, the specifically cut brown hair, the thick black glasses-I even had the exact same shirt she had on hanging in my closet at home. The image of the woman lingered throughout the lunch hour and makes appearances from time to time when my thoughts wander.

Today, I was reminded of this woman. As I got ready this morning, I took a good hard look at myself and thought about who I am, my fading passions and the image I portray.

In that moment, out of fear, I walked away. I'm not ready to face myself yet.

this is beautiful

tonight, oh tonight. one like any other, but yet, all the more to appreciate how great the ordinary actually is; a chance to really be thankful for the many aspects of my life that are beyond fantastic. here i am, with three of my dearest friends, sitting in the dynamic duo's room. i lay peacefully in the hammock, as we gather around, listening to ukulele music. my thoughts drift towards that boy sometimes, the one who listens to jeff mangum, wears white sweaters and whose mind i wish i could sometimes read. nothing out of the ordinary, but all the same, this is beautiful.

i'd like to remember this moment forever.

because tegan & sara say it better than I ever could...

I won't regret saying this
This thing that I'm saying
Is it better than keeping my mouth shut
That goes without saying

Call
Break 
It 
Off


Maybe I would've been something you'd be good at
Maybe you would've been something I'd be good at
But now we'll never know
I won't be sad but in case I go there every day to make myself feel bad
There's a chance that I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do


I won't be out long 
But I still think it better if you take your time coming over here
I think that's for the best